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	<title>Smart Divas Online Dating &#187; Relationships</title>
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	<link>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com</link>
	<description>Dating for Smart Women</description>
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		<title>The gift of a lifetime..</title>
		<link>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/12/03/the-gift-of-a-lifetime/</link>
		<comments>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/12/03/the-gift-of-a-lifetime/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 03 Dec 2007 02:53:05 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>SugarPrincess</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/2007/12/03/the-gift-of-a-lifetime/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Is this the season you intend to give the gift of a lifetime? Many couples find the holiday spirit leads them to start looking for diamond engagement rings.. the James Allen site is the natural place to start if you are looking for that special gift this season. Even if you are looking for diamonds [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Is this the season you intend to give the gift of a lifetime? Many couples find the holiday spirit leads them to start looking for <a href="http://www.jamesallen.com">diamond engagement rings</a>.. the James Allen site is the natural place to start if you are looking for that special gift this season.  Even if you are looking for <a href="http://www.jamesallen.com/diamonds/">diamonds</a> for yourself (and many girls do like to select their own ring these days) you can get everything from classic to modern from the one site.</p>
<p>Everything is covered, including <a href="http://www.jamesallen.com/wedding-and-anniversary/">wedding rings</a> and eternity rings.  If you are a hopeful bride to be, you can check out the site and forward your honey links to the rings you like.  Although not as romantic, it&#8217;s one way of ensuring that you get exactly what you want!</p>
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		<title>10 Tips For a More Exciting Relationship</title>
		<link>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/11/20/10-tips-for-a-more-exciting-relationship/</link>
		<comments>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/11/20/10-tips-for-a-more-exciting-relationship/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 20 Nov 2007 00:07:53 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>SugarPrincess</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Dating 101]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/2007/11/20/10-tips-for-a-more-exciting-relationship/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Most relationships are very exciting in the beginning but if you have been in your current relationship for awhile already you may have noticed that the initial excitement you experienced is starting to waiver and you and your partner may be settling into a dull routine.Â As a relationship progresses one or both partners may [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Most relationships are very exciting in the beginning but if you have been in your current relationship for awhile already you may have noticed that the initial excitement you experienced is starting to waiver and you and your partner may be settling into a dull routine.Â  As a relationship progresses one or both partners may be guilty of settling into complacency and may not strive to keep the element of excitement in their relationship.Â  The following are a few tips for ensuring that your relationship stays as exciting as it was in the beginning.Â </p>
<p>Never underestimate the value of spontaneity in a relationship.Â  Too often relationships lose their excitement because the mates fall into a routine that becomes boring as time goes by.Â  Donâ€™t be afraid to suggest new activities in your relationship or to try new things on a whim.Â  Being spontaneous doesnâ€™t have to involve big decisions it can be as simple as picking up something new at the grocery store and trying a new recipe for dinner.Â </p>
<p><span id="more-67"></span>Â </p>
<p>Whatever you do, just let your instincts take over for a minute instead of relying on rationality.Â  Anything you do that is spontaneous may not work out as well as if you had planned out every last detail but just go with the flow and youâ€™ll find your relationship taking a turn for the better.Â </p>
<p>Exploring a new location together is another way to bring the excitement back into your relationship.Â  Whether you plan an elaborate trip to an exotic location or just take the bus to a nearby city that you have never visited your adventure together will help spice up your romance.Â  Take your time exploring the new location and enjoy the foods and atmosphere that the new place has to offer.Â  Exploring new cities can help bring the thrill back to your relationship.Â </p>
<p>Still another way to spice up a waning relationship is to sign up for an instructional class together such as a cooking, dancing or pottery class.Â  Working together to learn a new skill will draw the two of you closer as you strive to accomplish a goal together.Â  A class will enable you and your partner to interact in a new way.Â  This new interaction will help to pull you out of a rut.</p>
<p>Spending a night at a hotel is another way to restore the excitement in your relationship.Â  Intimacy is very important in a relationship and if you and your partner have found that this aspect of your relationship has lost itâ€™s spice, itâ€™s time to shake things up a bit.Â  Choose a romantic hotel, preferably one with a cozy restaurant.Â  Begin by having a wonderful candlelight dinner in the restaurant and then proceed to the room that you have reserved.Â  Setting the mood with candles and dim lighting is also suggested.Â  A night in a different location such as a romantic hotel will go a long way towards rekindling your intimate relationship.</p>
<p>Another way to bring the excitement back into your relationship is to set up a date night.Â  While you may see each other daily and even go out to dinner every Friday night, setting up a date night outside of your usual schedule will enhance your relationship.Â  Donâ€™t just schedule a night to go out to dinner but treat each of these date nights as if they were first dates.Â  Go all out getting yourself dressed up and take special care in your appearance.Â  Prepare for your date night as if you were really trying to make a good first impression.Â  Going out of your way to have at least one night of fun and romance a week will help add a little zing to your relationship.Â </p>
<p>Giving your mate gifts for no reason at all is another way to get your relationship back on track.Â  You may have lavished gifts on your partner early in the relationship but as the relationship progressed you may not have done so as frequently.Â  Small, meaningful gifts given just to make your partner happy will let them know that they are still always on your mind just as they were in the beginning of the relationship.Â </p>
<p>The simple act of holding hands can also add excitement back into a relationship.Â  This intimate gesture conveys a sense of security but it also lets your partner know that you want to be close to them at all times.Â  Many couples hold hands everywhere they go early in a relationship but donâ€™t do so later on.Â  Try grabbing your partners hand as you are out running errands together.Â  They will be touched by the sentiment and will be happy to be sharing a sense of closeness with you again.Â </p>
<p>A kiss is still another way to bring the excitement back into your relationship.Â  You may have gotten into the habit of giving your mate a kiss on the cheek or a quick peck on the lips when you see them after a long day of work.Â  Trying kissing them with passion the next time you see them to catch them by surprise and really let you know not only how much you love them but how attractive you find them as well.Â </p>
<p>Having a common interest can also promote excitement in a relationship.Â  If there is an activity that you both enjoy doing, make it something that the two of you do together often.Â  For example if you both enjoy hiking make plans to go hiking every Saturday morning and each time you go out make it a little different by exploring a new location or setting new goals for yourselves.Â  This will give the two of you a chance to reconnect while enjoying each otherâ€™s company.Â  Having a ritualistic activity that you and your partner enjoy together creates closeness and intimacy that can help put the excitement back into your relationship.Â </p>
<p>Offering your partner a massage when they are worn out and tired can also bring the excitement back to your relationship.Â  A massage can be a very sensual and intimate experience.Â  Additionally offering a massage lets your partner know that you can see that they are stressed out and exhausted.Â  They will appreciate your putting them first in the relationship and this will help bring back the excitement in your relationship.Â </p>
<p>Over time a relationship may lose some of the excitement that it had in the very beginning.Â  While this may be troublesome it is also completely normal and also reversible.Â  Noticing the lack of excitement in your relationship is the first step to restoring that excitement.Â  It may take a little work but with a few simple actions you can be on your way to an exciting relationship.</p>
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		<title>Donâ€™t Just SAY Youâ€™re Sorry â€“ Prove It</title>
		<link>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/11/13/don%e2%80%99t-just-say-you%e2%80%99re-sorry-%e2%80%93-prove-it/</link>
		<comments>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/11/13/don%e2%80%99t-just-say-you%e2%80%99re-sorry-%e2%80%93-prove-it/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 13 Nov 2007 00:06:20 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>SugarPrincess</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/2007/11/13/don%e2%80%99t-just-say-you%e2%80%99re-sorry-%e2%80%93-prove-it/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The words, â€œIâ€™m sorryâ€ can get us out of trouble when weâ€™ve done something wrong or hurt someone we care about but the key to a good apology is really meaning it and convincing the other person that you are truly remorseful.Â Apologizing just for the sake of keeping the peace is not an effective [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>The words, â€œIâ€™m sorryâ€ can get us out of trouble when weâ€™ve done something wrong or hurt someone we care about but the key to a good apology is really meaning it and convincing the other person that you are truly remorseful.Â  Apologizing just for the sake of keeping the peace is not an effective way to apologize.Â  In doing so the recipient of the apology will most likely see through you and realize that your apology is insincere.Â  A sincere and well timed apology, however, will help to mend the relationship that was harmed by your words or actions.Â </p>
<p>The most important way to prove that you are truly sorry for hurting someone is to ensure that the hurtful action is not repeated.Â  Apologizing over and over while continuing to make the same mistake shows that your apology is not really sincere.Â  On the other hand if you really mean that you are sorry for an action you will take careful steps not to repeat this action.Â  Apologizing for your actions is one thing but being cautious not to repeat your actions really proves that you are indeed sorry.Â </p>
<p><span id="more-74"></span></p>
<p>Being specific regarding the reason for your apology also really proves that you are sorry.Â  Many people are quick to offer an apology when they realize someone is upset with them but often they donâ€™t take the time to figure out why the other person is upset.Â  Apologizing without stating the reason for the apology shows that you donâ€™t understand the problem and that you arenâ€™t sincere in your apology.Â  This is not an effective way to make an apology.Â  However, if you offer a specific reason for your apology you are proving that you understand what you did to hurt the other person and that do not want to repeat that action.Â </p>
<p>Another way to prove that your apology is authentic is to be sure to offer the apology in person.Â  Having a third party speak to the person you have offended or apologizing via email or voice mail conveys a lack of caring.Â  This kind of apology shows that you arenâ€™t truly sorry for your actions.Â  Meeting with the person face to face to have a sincere conversation and offer your apology is one way to really prove that you are sorry.Â  It shows that you care enough about the other person to meet with them directly to try to make amends for your contributions to the disagreement.Â </p>
<p>In apologizing, if you want to prove that you really mean it, be careful not to place blame on the person you are apologizing to.Â  Your apology is about telling the other person why you believe that you did something wrong.Â  While they may have contributed to the situation, now is not the time to point out their faults.Â  Instead take full responsibility for what you have done wrong.Â  Accepting full responsibility for your actions and apologizing for them without placing blame on the other person will prove that your apology is sincere.Â </p>
<p>A genuine apology will also include telling the other person why your actions were wrong and how you intend to avoid hurting them in the future.Â  Doing this proves to them not only that you understand you were wrong but that you understand why you were wrong.Â  It also lets them know that you have already formulated a plan of action to ensure that this situation does not arise in the future.Â </p>
<p>The timing of your apology can also help to prove that you really are sorry.Â  Waiting too long to apologize may show that you donâ€™t really care and that you are simply apologizing as an afterthought.Â  An apology that is made too early may risk being ignored because the recipient of the apology is still too upset to listen to what you are saying.Â  Itâ€™s important to give the other person a chance to vent their anger and calm down before rushing to apologize.Â  After a reasonable amount of time approach them and let them know that you understand their anger and believe that it is justified and that you wanted to give them a chance to calm down before apologizing.Â </p>
<p>Sometimes it is not enough to simply apologize for your words or actions.Â  It is often necessary to not only apologize but to also prove that your apology is sincere.Â  A truly sincere apology proves that you are sorry by addressing the issue and acknowledging what you have done wrong while validating the other personâ€™s right to be angry and addressing how you will avoid similar actions in the future.</p>
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		<title>How to Demand Respect AND Get It</title>
		<link>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/10/09/how-to-demand-respect-and-get-it/</link>
		<comments>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/10/09/how-to-demand-respect-and-get-it/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 09 Oct 2007 23:58:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>SugarPrincess</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/2007/10/09/how-to-demand-respect-and-get-it/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Respect, as it applies to people, is defined as a feeling of esteem for a person.Â This feeling is generally a result of a personâ€™s achievements.Â While all people deserve respect, it is an unfortunate fact that many people do not receive the respect that they deserve.Â There are several ways however that you can [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Respect, as it applies to people, is defined as a feeling of esteem for a person.Â  This feeling is generally a result of a personâ€™s achievements.Â  While all people deserve respect, it is an unfortunate fact that many people do not receive the respect that they deserve.Â  There are several ways however that you can put yourself in a situation where you will begin to receive the respect that you deserve.Â  In general the keys to demanding respect and getting it are treating others with respect, treating yourself with respect, conveying a sense of confidence, not being afraid to make decisions and dressing appropriately.Â  These key factors will help you to gain the respect you deserve.Â </p>
<p>If you expect others to treat you with respect, one of the first steps you must take is to begin treating others with respect if you arenâ€™t already doing so.Â  If you have a disrespectful attitude towards others it will be difficult for them to feel respectful towards you.Â  Treating others with respect demonstrates that you are worthy of respect yourself because it shows that you are capable of holding others in esteem.Â  If you do not give others their due respect, many people will see you as a person who is not compassionate of others and not willing to understand the value of others.Â Â Â <span id="more-80"></span></p>
<p>Many bosses will try to demand respect by being authoritative with their subordinates.Â  While authority is a characteristic that commands respect, this is often taken too far and if the boss does not recognize the employees achievements the employee will most likely be resentful of the boss and not feel respectful towards him.Â  On the other hand a boss that maintains an authoritative air while also being supportive of his employees and willing to listen to their ideas will gain the respect of his employees.Â </p>
<p>Treating yourself with respect is another key element to receiving respect from others.Â  Self respect is seeing yourself for your innate worth and acting accordingly by treating yourself with esteem.Â  Itâ€™s important to treat others with respect but by the same token you must also treat yourself with respect.Â  While self-deprecating humor may be your way of coping with your perceived inadequacies this type of behavior demonstrates to other that you do not feel you are truly worthy of their respect.Â  In order to gain the respect of others you must first treat yourself with respect.Â </p>
<p>Confidence also inspires a sense of respect.Â  Being confident, without being arrogant, is a sign that you know your abilities and past performances are worthy of respect.Â  Knowing that you are a highly capable person and not being afraid to let others know this is another way to demand respect and get it.Â  Exercise caution with using confidence to command respect though.Â  Over confidence may have the reverse effect and result in you not receiving respect.Â  Knowing your abilities and being confident in yourself will go a long way in ensuring that you earn the respect of those around you.Â </p>
<p>Decision making is another aspect that could be a determining factor in whether or not those around you respect you.Â  This goes along with confidence in that if you are sure of yourself you will not hesitate to make the right decisions in any situation.Â  An ability to make decisions without wavering or being unsure of yourself will inspire confidence in those around you.Â  While itâ€™s important to seek advice and counsel from others, if you are in charge of a situation the decision is ultimately yours to make.Â  If you make valid decisions without showing signs of doubt you will be respected for your ability to take a stand and act on what you believe is right.Â </p>
<p>Dressing the part is also very important in earning the respect of others.Â  While casual clothing may be acceptable in many work places you will find that those who are in a position of authority and command respect often dress less casually than those who are not well respected.Â  While your clothes are not an accurate indication of your abilities others around you may jump to conclusions based on your appearance.Â  While this is a sad fact of life, itâ€™s important to acknowledge that this does exist in society and take care to always convey a professional appearance.Â  Doing so will help you to earn the respect of your friends and colleagues as well as your employer.Â </p>
<p>Perhaps the most important factor to understand about respect is that, in most cases, it is not given automatically by others but that it must be earned.Â  You can earn the respect you deserve by treating yourself and others with respect, being confident and unafraid to make important decisions and dressing in a way that shows that you have respect for yourself.Â  All of these aspects will help to ensure that you are not only demanding respect but also getting it.</p>
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		<title>Why Men Cheat</title>
		<link>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/09/25/why-men-cheat/</link>
		<comments>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/09/25/why-men-cheat/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 25 Sep 2007 11:01:53 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>SugarPrincess</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[For Women]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/2007/09/25/why-men-cheat/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The reasons why men cheat in a relationship are often different than the reasons why women cheat.Â A manâ€™s reason for cheating can encompass a wide variety of reasons including genetics, a sense of challenge, self esteem and a lack of interest in their current relationship.Â While none are justifiable all of these can be [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>The reasons why men cheat in a relationship are often different than the reasons why women cheat.Â  A manâ€™s reason for cheating can encompass a wide variety of reasons including genetics, a sense of challenge, self esteem and a lack of interest in their current relationship.Â  While none are justifiable all of these can be reasons why a man chooses to stray and cheat on his current partner.Â </p>
<p>Although genetics may factor into why men cheat on their partner it may also just be a week defense for a man who is caught in his unfaithful actions.Â  A theory exists that testosterone levels in men make them more susceptible to infidelity.Â  This theory is based on the hypothesis that men are genetically predisposed to cheating because they are ingrained with the notion that the survival of the species is dependent on their procreation.Â  While this may be true it is certainly not an excuse for unfaithfulness in our age of overpopulation.Â  It may be true that in prehistoric times, men were tasked with populating the earth this is certainly not true today and is not a defensible excuse for cheating on your partner.Â  The truth is that in a truly loving relationship a man should be able to control himself and remain faithful despite any hormonal urges to produce offspring.Â  The theory of man being predisposed to cheating does not hold water because while it may be true, there is no excuse for not being able to quell these urges.Â </p>
<p><span id="more-104"></span></p>
<p>Another reason men cheat is because they feel a sense of challenge in their infidelity.Â  Actually being able to get away with an affair is a challenge that men enjoy.Â  Additionally they enjoy the challenge of finding other women with which to cheat.Â  To them the affair is more about the conquest then anything else.Â  Sure they may enjoy the physicality of the affair, but the pursuit and sneaking around is what really drives men who cheat on their partners.Â  They see fooling their partner as a tremendous accomplishment and they enjoy the logistics of orchestrating the affair without their partner learning of their transgressions.Â  To them the thrill of sneaking around and the fear of being caught creates and adrenaline rush that is more important than the affair or even their current relationship.Â  Men also cheat because they are driven by competition.Â  If there friends are single or cheating on their partners and often have affairs with several women the man may feel that he needs to keep up with his friends.Â  To these men affairs become a way of competing with their friends.Â  Infidelity in men is often driven by a sense of competition.Â </p>
<p>Many men also engage in affairs because doing so is an ego boost for them.Â  The knowledge that they can find multiple women willing to engage in an intimate relationship with them is a tremendous self esteem builder for some men.Â  They take pride in the ability to attract women and donâ€™t care about the fact that doing so may destroy their relationship.Â  To these men the excitement of the chase is almost more important than the conquest.Â  Sometimes just knowing that other women find them desirable, is enough to stroke the ego of these men.Â  In general it is a lack of self esteem on their part that drives them to seek out affairs in order to reiterate their attractiveness and desirability.Â </p>
<p>A man who is in an undesirable relationship may also be driven to cheat on their partner.Â  If the relationship has begun to wane and the man no longer feels the same attraction to his partner he may seek out an affair out of boredom.Â  If he feels his current relationship is lacking excitement he may also be driven to cheat in the hopes that he will find the excitement he desires elsewhere.Â  While the wise thing may be to end the deteriorating relationship in search of a new more desirable partner, many men opt to hold onto the current relationship and engage in affairs.Â  This may be because they fear that they may not find what they are looking for and may be left lonely and without a partner so they hold onto the failing relationship figuring that a bad relationship is better than none at all.Â </p>
<p>Men cheat for a variety of reasons.Â  While none of these reasons may be justified, they do exist.Â  The reasons that men cheat include genetics, competition, self esteem and boredom.Â  In general while genetics may play a small part in the urge for men to cheat the majority of cheating takes place because men cannot control their sexual and competitive urges, are lacking in self esteem or are unhappy in their current relationship.</p>
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		<title>How to Choose a Marriage Counselor</title>
		<link>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/09/18/how-to-choose-a-marriage-counselor/</link>
		<comments>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/09/18/how-to-choose-a-marriage-counselor/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 18 Sep 2007 10:58:58 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>SugarPrincess</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/2007/09/18/how-to-choose-a-marriage-counselor/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Admitting you need the assistance of a marriage counselor is the first step to salvaging your troubled marriage.Â Once you and your partner have acknowledged your need for professional help, the two of you will need to choose a counselor together.Â Choosing a marriage counselor is a very personal thing.Â The right counselor for you [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Admitting you need the assistance of a marriage counselor is the first step to salvaging your troubled marriage.Â  Once you and your partner have acknowledged your need for professional help, the two of you will need to choose a counselor together.Â  Choosing a marriage counselor is a very personal thing.Â  The right counselor for you and your spouse is the one that you both feel comfortable with and have confidence in their ability to help you resolve your problems.Â  You may find counselors who come highly recommended and who have helped friends and family members of yours but unless you have faith in the counselor they wonâ€™t be able to help you.Â  Choosing a marriage counselor may be hindered by the fact that your marital relationship is already troubled but itâ€™s important that you work together to choose the right marriage counselor if you are serious about saving your relationship.Â </p>
<p>Seeking recommendations from trusted friends and family members who have employed the use of a marriage counselor is a good place to start your search.Â  You can take the opportunity to ask your friends and relatives what they liked and didnâ€™t like about the counselor who helped them and use this information to determine whether or not you have any interest in having a consultation with their recommended counselor.Â  In speaking to your friend or relative try to ask questions that elicit specific responses about the marriage counselorâ€™s demeanor and techniques without asking your trusted source to divulge any sensitive details about their counseling sessions.Â  You need to understand that worked for others may not help your marriage but having a few trusted persons make recommendations is a good place to begin your search.Â </p>
<p><span id="more-78"></span></p>
<p>Next, utilize the Internet to research marriage counselors in your area.Â  Look for counselors who have web pages that describe their education, life experience and techniques for conflict resolution.Â  This type of information is useful for deciding before you even meet them if you think they can help you.Â  If there is anything about their website that bothers you, trust your instincts and cross them off your list of potential marriage counselors.Â  Trusting your marriage counselor is extremely important so if there is anything that bothers you right away, then they arenâ€™t the right counselor for you because you will go into the sessions feeling guarded which will hinder your progress.</p>
<p>In a relationship that is already troubled, it might be worthwhile to do the preliminary research on available marriage counselors separately.Â  This will allow the two of you to decide what you are looking for in a marriage counselor without further complicating any pre-existing issues in your marriage.Â  Seek recommendations from friends and family members and do your Internet research separately.Â  Once you have both compiled a list of potential counselors compare your lists and agree to interview those that overlap on your lists.Â  If you do not have any overlap, agree to each choose two candidates and meet with these four marriage counselors in the next step of the process.Â </p>
<p>Once you have selected a few potential marriage counselors, it is time to set up initial consultations with each of them.Â  These consultations will give you the opportunity to meet with each counselor to get to know them a little better and learn about their conflict resolution strategies.Â  It is also a chance to determine how comfortable you feel around this counselor and whether you will be able to open up to him or her and express your true feelings.Â  This is also your opportunity to decide whether or not you truly have faith that this marriage counselor is the one that can save your marriage.Â  Prepare for these sessions ahead of time by coming up with a list of questions that will help you to obtain a better understanding of the counselor and their methods.Â  In coming up with these questions, either work together with your spouse to develop a list of questions or encourage your spouse to do so on their own so that you are both prepared for the initial consultation.Â  As with your Internet research if there is something you just donâ€™t trust about one of the marriage counselors in your initial consultations then trust your gut and eliminate them from your list.Â  An initial consultation is an excellent way to get all your questions about the marriage counselor answered and to become acquainted with the counselor on a personal level.Â  Your initial consultation with a marriage counselor is probably the most important step in determining if they are right for you and your spouse so take this step very seriously.</p>
<p>Once you and your counselor have met with all of the marriage counselors on your proposed list, it is time to make your decision.Â  Hopefully, the two of you will agree on a counselor and will be able to begin your sessions immediately but if you canâ€™t reach an agreement try another method to determining which counselor to choose.Â  You could try a method such as having each partner rank the candidates from 1-4 in order of preference and then agree to choose the counselor who receives the lowest combined score.Â  While this method may sound silly, it is important to remember that you are going to counseling because there is a problem in your marriage and further aggregating the problem by arguing over a marriage counselor may lead to one of the partners deciding that counseling isnâ€™t worth it and giving up on the relationship.Â </p>
<p>Choosing a marriage counselor can be a difficult and stressful process but itâ€™s imperative to remember that this is an extremely important decision that deserves your utmost attention.Â  Choosing the right marriage counselor is critical to the success of the counseling sessions.Â  An already troubled marriage can be further weakened by the process of choosing a marriage counselor so you and your partner should exercise caution not to allow yourselves to argue over this process.Â  The right marriage counselor will be able to salvage your relationship as long as you and your spouse are committed to using the counseling to solve your problems.</p>
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		<title>10 Ways to Recharge Your Romance</title>
		<link>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/08/21/10-ways-to-recharge-your-romance/</link>
		<comments>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/08/21/10-ways-to-recharge-your-romance/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 21 Aug 2007 10:36:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>SugarPrincess</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/2007/08/21/10-ways-to-recharge-your-romance/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Early in a relationship the romance factor is very high.Â The romance is seemingly effortless and it seems as though the romance will never fade.Â You may find, however, that over time the romance does fade and the relationship doesnâ€™t seem as exciting as it did in the beginning.Â This is natural as a couple [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Early in a relationship the romance factor is very high.Â  The romance is seemingly effortless and it seems as though the romance will never fade.Â  You may find, however, that over time the romance does fade and the relationship doesnâ€™t seem as exciting as it did in the beginning.Â  This is natural as a couple becomes more familiar with each other they begin to make less of an effort in the romance department.Â  When this happens it is time for the couple to start making a conscious effort to recharge their romance.</p>
<p>Recreating your first date can be one way to recharge your romance.Â  Both partners probably put a tremendous amount of effort into their first date and it was probably an incredibly romantic night for both of you.Â  Reenacting this first date by not only returning to the sight of the first date but also putting the same effort into preparing for the date can help to recharge your romance by reminding you of how exciting your relationship was in the beginning.</p>
<p><span id="more-71"></span></p>
<p>Leaving your work at the office is another way to recharge your romance.Â  If you are constantly allowing your work life to interfere with your romantic life it is time to put your romance ahead of your career.Â  While it is okay to talk to your partner about work and how your day went, obsessing over work is not acceptable and can put out the fire in your romance rather quickly.Â </p>
<p>Giving your partners flowers or small gifts for no reason can also recharge your romance.Â  This lets them know that you still think about them when the two of you are apart and that your love for them is always on your mind.Â  The gifts donâ€™t have to be expensive or extravagant but if they truly come from the heart they will help to recharge your romance.</p>
<p>Another way to recharge your romance is to be spontaneous.Â  Romance often fades when a relationship becomes routine and the partners begin to take each other for granted.Â  Spicing things up by suggesting new activities on a whim can reintroduce the romance in your relationship.Â  Too much planning and debate about what to do or where to go can put a damper on the activity or trip before it even takes place.Â  Excessive planning can make something seem dull while spontaneity has the opposite affect of making the activity seem more exciting.Â Â </p>
<p>Spending time apart can also recharge a romance.Â  It may sound counterproductive but having your own activities and interests keeps you from becoming bored with your partner.Â  Spending time together is very important but spending time apart is equally important because this time apart gives you the chance to grow as an individual which can enhance your relationship.Â </p>
<p>Quality time together, just like time apart, can also help to recharge your romance.Â  You need alone time as a couple to reconnect and nurture your romance.Â  A night out on the town for just the two of your or a quiet night alone at home can be equally effective for recharging your romance.Â  Without this time together a couple will not have the opportunity to express themselves to their partner in a romantic way.Â </p>
<p>Incessant arguing can destroy the romance in a relationship.Â  If you find that you and your partner are arguing constantly or over every little thing, itâ€™s time to really evaluate the relationship and figure out why you are arguing so much.Â  Believe it or not, you may find that this arguing is a subconscious attempt to try to recharge your romance.Â  Arguing invokes passion and you may be trying to bring that passion into your relationship.Â  If you find yourself doing this, itâ€™s time to realize that the arguing is having the opposite effect and that you have to stop this unhealthy pattern.Â  Once you realize that there are other ways to recharge a romance your arguing will subside.Â </p>
<p>Making a concerted effort to impress your partner can also recharge the romance in a relationship.Â  As a relationship progresses there is often a sense of familiarity and comfort that emerges and results in the couple feeling as if they no longer need to try to impress their partner.Â  They may begin to let their appearance go or stop going out of their way to please their partner.Â  Reversing this by returning to your old ways of trying to impress your partner can go a long way in recharging romance in a relationship.</p>
<p>Taking a trip together can also have the effect of recharging your romance.Â  While planning a trip may be stressful most people relax and enjoy themselves once they reach their destination.Â  Planning a trip with your partner will give each other the opportunity to enjoy each otherâ€™s company without the worries and hassles of everyday life.Â </p>
<p>Turning off the computer for a few days can be a really simple way to recharge your romance.Â  Many couples use their computers often to check email, search the Internet or chat with others and this time spent on the computer can really add up and begin to take time away from your partner.Â  Time can fly when you are computing and you may find that you have wasted an entire night on your computer.Â  You may find that if you turn the computer off for a few days, you have a lot more time to spend with your partner and the romance may naturally return to your relationship.Â </p>
<p>It is natural for romance to begin to fade if the partners begin to take each other for granted and stop trying to impress each other.Â  Romance doesnâ€™t exist on its own; it needs to be nurtured in a loving way in order to survive.Â  Recharging your romance may seem like a daunting task but it really isnâ€™t.Â  Making an effort to spend time together, showing your partner that you care and scheduling time together and apart are all simple ways to recharge your romance.</p>
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		<title>How to Become a Better Listener</title>
		<link>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/08/14/how-to-become-a-better-listener/</link>
		<comments>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/08/14/how-to-become-a-better-listener/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 14 Aug 2007 10:33:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>SugarPrincess</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/2007/08/14/how-to-become-a-better-listener/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Listening is an integral part of the communication process but it is also the part that is overlooked most frequently.Â Many people spend a great deal of time polishing their speaking skills but put little or no effort into becoming a better listener.Â The art of listening really isnâ€™t very difficult and you can improve [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Listening is an integral part of the communication process but it is also the part that is overlooked most frequently.Â  Many people spend a great deal of time polishing their speaking skills but put little or no effort into becoming a better listener.Â  The art of listening really isnâ€™t very difficult and you can improve your listening skills in just a few simple steps.Â </p>
<p>Perhaps the most important tip for being a better listener is to give the speaker your undivided attention.Â  Be sure to concentrate on the speakers words and resist the temptations to tune out their message.Â  While speaking on the phone many people participate in other activities such as checking email, reading newspapers and other activities that distract from the conversation.Â  Even in a face to face situation many listeners zone out by either thinking about their response to the speaker or daydreaming about something completely off topic.Â  By allowing yourself to be distracted, you are not listening as well as you could be.Â  Even just a small amount of distraction could result in you missing a critical point of the speakerâ€™s presentation.Â  Focusing 100% on the speaker, however, will ensure that you are listening well and taking in all of the pertinent information.Â </p>
<p><span id="more-76"></span></p>
<p>Part of being a good listener is making sure that everything you hear comes directly from the speaker and not from your interpretation of their words.Â  This means that as the speaker is talking, listen to the words as they are being spoken instead of trying to guess the point that the speaker is trying to make.Â  Many people are guilty of jumping to conclusions this way and this hurts their listening ability.Â  People who do this often donâ€™t hear the speakerâ€™s message because it is blocked out by their own assumptions.Â  Good listeners take in information as the words are spoken instead of thinking ahead and forming their own conclusions.Â </p>
<p>Creating mental images of the speakerâ€™s words is another way to become a better listener.Â  This visualization process allows you to really comprehend the words you are hearing.Â  Visualization techniques can enhance the way that people process information.Â  These mental images will help you to retain the information you have just heard and this enhanced comprehension makes you a better listener.Â </p>
<p>Asking questions that relate to the speakerâ€™s presentation can also help you to become a better listener.Â  Itâ€™s important to ask questions without allowing the formulation of the questions to interfere with your listening.Â  If you latch onto one of the speakerâ€™s key points and spend the rest of the conversation thinking up a question you will miss a lot of information.Â  However, if you ask your questions immediately when they arise, you can have them answered in the context of the presentation without having it affect your listening abilities.Â  Asking questions is an important part of listening because it lets the speaker know that you are following what he is saying and that you are interested in learning more about the topic.Â </p>
<p>Being mindful of your body language is another way to be a good listener.Â  Be sure to not engage in body language that tells the speaker that you are not interested in their words.Â  Crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact and wincing are all ways that you can send a message to a speaker that you are not listening carefully to them.Â  These mannerisms can result in the conversation being cut short because the speaker does not feel you are interested in what they are saying.Â </p>
<p>Practicing your listening skills is another way to become a better listener.Â  Make a conscientious effort to apply your listening skills each time you speak to someone or attend a presentation.Â  You can practice your listening skills by remaining completely focused on the conversation or presentation, not trying to guess what the speaker is about to say, creating mental images of the spoken words and asking pertinent questions to affirm what you have just heard.Â  Each time you have the opportunity to listen try to work on these elements.Â </p>
<p>While listening skills are not as widely practiced as speaking skills, they are just as important to a conversation.Â  Being a good listener will not only ensure that you are receiving information but will affirm to the speaker that you care about the information being presented and that you understand their message.</p>
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		<title>Separating Love From Lust</title>
		<link>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/07/28/separating-love-from-lust/</link>
		<comments>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/07/28/separating-love-from-lust/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 28 Jul 2007 21:26:53 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>SugarPrincess</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/2007/07/28/separating-love-from-lust/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Merriam-Websterâ€™s dictionary defines love as, â€œstrong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties,â€ and defines lust as, â€œan intense longingâ€.Â These two conflicting definitions help to separate love from lust.Â By definition alone the two differ in that, love is based on an affinity while lust is based solely on desire.Â The [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Merriam-Websterâ€™s dictionary defines love as, â€œstrong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties,â€ and defines lust as, â€œan intense longingâ€.Â  These two conflicting definitions help to separate love from lust.Â  By definition alone the two differ in that, love is based on an affinity while lust is based solely on desire.Â  The two also differ in how they affect a relationship but sometimes it becomes difficult to separate the two because lust can exist in the presence of love.Â  Analyzing a loving relationship and a lustful relationship separately will help us to learn to distinguish love from lost.Â </p>
<p>Love has a positive affect on a relationship because when love exists in a relationship both partners hold the happiness of the other in a high esteem and place the happiness of their partner ahead of their own desires.Â  Love affects relationships in a myriad of ways including how the couple interacts, the leisure activities they participate in and the longevity of the relationship.Â  In a loving relationship the couple behaves thoughtfully towards each other and is mindful of their partnerâ€™s feelings.Â  In this type of relationship, each partner places themselves ahead of their partner and they strive to treat each other lovingly and with respect.Â  Also, in a loving relationship the leisure activities that the couple participates in are based on a mutual love and respect.Â  Activities are chosen with careful consideration to the partnerâ€™s feelings.Â  In a loving relationship the partners typically engage in activities that they either either strongly agree on or those that are a compromise.Â  While a couple in a loving relationship may not always be in complete agreement regarding leisure activities, they strive to compromise to ensure that both partners have the opportunity to engage in their preferred activities.Â  Finally a relationship that is based on love is usually long lasting.Â  The presence of love in the relationship enables a couple to work through any problems or difficulties that arise in the relationship and helps the relationship to endure.Â  The thoughtfulness and caring that exists in a loving relationship helps the relationship to grown and endure.Â </p>
<p>Conversely a lustful relationship may not necessary have a negative affect on a relationship but it also may not be as positive as a loving relationship.Â  Similarly to love, lust also affects a relationship in regard to how the couple interacts, the activities the couple participate in and the durability of the relationship.Â  The primary difference between a lustful and a loving relationship is that while in a loving relationship the partners place a high value on the happiness of their partner, a lustful relationship is one in which the partners are consumed by their own desires.Â  The partners in a lustful relationship place their needs and wants ahead of their partnerâ€™s desires.Â  This alone is enough to make their partner feel disrespected and to not place a high value on the relationship.Â  The fundamental selfishness that exists in a lustful relationship trickles down and affects the activities in which the couple participates.Â  While those in a loving relationship strive to compromise and find activities that they both enjoy, those in a lustful relationship are more prone to insist on participating in activities that they enjoy regardless of whether or not their partner will also enjoy this activity.Â  One final characteristic of a lustful relationship is that it is typically short lived.Â  A lustful relationship is driven by passion and desire and once a goal is reached the partner becomes no longer desirable.Â  With nothing else to drive the relationship it soon begins to wane and the couple often separates.Â  Lustful relationships are characterized by a selfishness and lack of respect that typically results in a short and tumultuous relationship.Â </p>
<p>Complicating the issue of separating love and lust is that it is often possible for lust to exist within a loving relationship.Â  The existence of lust within a loving relationship is often driven by a desire to become closer to the partner.Â  This is a natural occurrence as a physical relationship is extremely important in a romantic relationship.Â  When lust exists within a loving relationship it is not necessarily detrimental to the relationship.Â  As long as the lust does not take over the love and become the dominant characteristic it can be a healthy part of the relationship.Â  The opposite is not true, however.Â  A lustful relationship can not also include love.Â  The primary characteristic of selfishness does not enable love to factor into a lustful relationship.Â  Placing your own desires ahead of your partnerâ€™s precludes the formation of a loving bond.Â  While itâ€™s not possible to have a lustful relationship with the existence of love a little bit of lust mixed into a loving relationship can lead to a closer connection and stronger bond for the couple.Â </p>
<p>Separating love from lust can be complicated but the key factors to remember is that a loving relationship is one based on selflessness and thoughtfulness while a lustful relationship is characterized by selfishness and thoughtlessness.Â  These fundamental differences often affect whether or not a relationship will be long lasting and will endure the test of time.Â  The separation of love from lust is further complicated by the fact that lust can exist in a loving relationship.Â  The opposite, however, is not possible.Â  Understand that lust can factor into a loving relationship and have a positive affect on the relationship is key to understanding the differences between love and lust.</p>
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		<title>A Womanâ€™s Guide to Re-Entering the Singleâ€™s Scene</title>
		<link>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/07/27/a-woman%e2%80%99s-guide-to-re-entering-the-single%e2%80%99s-scene/</link>
		<comments>http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/index.php/2007/07/27/a-woman%e2%80%99s-guide-to-re-entering-the-single%e2%80%99s-scene/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 27 Jul 2007 08:17:33 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>SugarPrincess</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[For Women]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://online-dating.smartdivas.com/2007/07/27/a-woman%e2%80%99s-guide-to-re-entering-the-single%e2%80%99s-scene/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[A woman who has been out of touch with the dating scene for any length of time may need a few guidelines before taking the plunge and re-entering the singleâ€™s scene.Â Re-entering the singleâ€™s scene may perhaps be more difficult for a woman than it is for a man.Â Women who are out of the [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>A woman who has been out of touch with the dating scene for any length of time may need a few guidelines before taking the plunge and re-entering the singleâ€™s scene.Â  Re-entering the singleâ€™s scene may perhaps be more difficult for a woman than it is for a man.Â  Women who are out of the dating scene for any length of time may have a difficult time readjusting to the uncertainty of the singleâ€™s scene.Â  Their previous relationship may have offered them a sense of security that no longer exists in the dating scene and this lack of security may make women tentative to re-enter the singleâ€™s scene under any conditions.Â  A woman who re-enters the singleâ€™s scene needs to understand that in todayâ€™s dating scene it is acceptable for women to be the aggressors and take the liberty of asking men out, that turning down a man for any reason is still acceptable and that she should trust her instincts in dating situations.Â  The singleâ€™s scene may not have changed much over the years but a woman who has been out of the scene for awhile often needs a few guidelines to help her re-enter the singleâ€™s scene successfully.</p>
<p>It is steadily becoming more and more acceptable for women to ask men out on dates instead of vice versa.Â  This non-traditional gender role may be a bit confusing for some women at first but they will soon learn that this can be both a positive and a negative.Â  No longer do women have to stand by and wait to be approached by a man.Â  Now women are free to be the aggressors and ask out men that they find attractive.Â  In the past a woman may have waited and waited for a guy to ask her out but now she can feel secure approaching a man and asking him out.Â  While not having to wait for a man to make the first move may be a positive improvement in the singleâ€™s scene, the downside is that women now understand the immense pressure that men feel when asking someone out.Â  They may find that walking up to a guy they find attractive and asking him out is not as easy as it sounds.Â  Most likely they will gain a newfound respect for men who are willing to take the risk of asking them out.Â </p>
<p><span id="more-73"></span></p>
<p>Many women may be hesitant to turn down a man who asks them on a date but in todayâ€™s singleâ€™s scene, women need to realize that they can and should turn down men that they are not interested in dating.Â  While they may want to be polite and not hurt the manâ€™s feelings, it is perfectly acceptable to let someone know that you are not interested in dating them.Â  You may have tried sending subtle messages to convey your lack of interest in the past but sometimes bluntness is required to get your message across.Â  Learning to say no is an important aspect of a woman re-entering the dating scene.Â  Women need to understand that they do not have the time or energy to date every man that approaches them and that refusing a date request is perfectly acceptable.Â </p>
<p>Finally a woman who re-enters the singleâ€™s scene needs to have a firm understanding of the dangers that exists in this scene.Â  While a woman may meet many trustworthy and honest people in the singleâ€™s scene, there can be dishonest people who intend to harm you.Â  If it has been a long time since a woman was actively involved in the singleâ€™s scene, she may not realize the changes that have taken place.Â  It is no longer safe to agree to meet anyone in a secluded location.Â  In fact, even if you plan a date for a well lit and populated location, you may still want to bring along a friend for security reasons.Â  As the number of unscrupulous people entering the dating scene increases, so does the instance of date rape and acquaintance rape situations.Â  It is no longer safe for a woman to completely trust anyone she meets while involved in the singleâ€™s scene.Â  While a man may seem completely safe, itâ€™s important to never put complete faith in anyone you have just met.Â  Also, if something just doesnâ€™t seem right with a particular man, it is best to trust your instincts and not pursue further contact with this man.Â  The dating scene has become a potentially dangerous place and it is important for women to realize this as they re-enter the singleâ€™s scene.Â </p>
<p>Re-entry into the singleâ€™s scene for a woman doesnâ€™t have to be a difficult process.Â  In general the singleâ€™s scene has not changed tremendously but there are some key points for a woman to understand before she re-enters the singleâ€™s scene.</p>
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